The average film fan seems happy to take Chuck Norris as a joke, and most highbrow cinema analysts are content to ignore his work all together. We here at Den Of Geek feel his cinematic leavings deserve consideration. As such, this article will evaluate the early leading roles of Chuck Norris. And by us, I mean me. A quick mention, too, to Slaughter In San Francisco, a film that my research suggested might be relevant, and one that proved troublesome to track down.
I resorted to a VHS tape of it which felt particularly awful after seeing the lovely new Blu-rays of A Force Of One and The Octagon , only to find Norris, whose voice had been dubbed, in a small supporting role as a villain. Ad — content continues below. Billy finds himself in Texas City, a dusty little town run by a corrupt Judge, with traps laid out for unsuspecting passers-by to bring money in.
A film starring Chuck Norris must first be assessed for its acts of violence. Norris employs a fighting style that consists almost entirely of slow spin kicks.
A fine example o f Breaker! Seeing a man wearing all denim can inspire you to do crazy things. It surely affected the guy who approaches Norris in a bar and goads him into an arm wrestling match at the beginning of the film.
Just as crazy is that the bar patrons gamble on the match and bet against Chuck Norris. He may have a point; no one throws a spin kick, and the building appears to be in no danger of exploding. Get the best of Den of Geek delivered right to your inbox! The film also features what I would come to know as the patented Chuck Norris dick punch, a move that never fails to cause a stirring of the loins. She brings Chuck Norris home, much to the confusion of her young son. It has a goddamned eagle painted on it.
Yes, your mother slept in the van last night. The film concludes as you might hope. Chuck becomes imprisoned, the waitress summons an army of truckers and much smashing ensues. Norris finds himself in a dramatic punch up with a corrupt cop who attempts to stab his beautiful blond hair.
Moments later, with the cop kicked to death, the film stops on a freeze frame of a jumping, traumatised horse who has witnessed the entire thing. So, everyone lives happily ever after then, right? Well, no. A storyline featuring a mentally handicapped young lad, who works with his brother in Texas City, sits awkwardly with the rest of the film.
Number of Roundhouse Kicks: Errr, none? Presumably this is toned down from the first draft of the script, where his job was to lustily engage busty vixens while being draped in the American flag. Former members of his squadron are being killed as a botched mission, where they were sent in under false pretenses and betrayed, is seemingly returning to haunt them. The first death rampage in Good Guys Wear Black comes early, in a scene that plays out like micro-budget version of the fourth Rambo film, minus the gooey realism and technical competency.
This initial flurry of war raised my hopes for a real punchapalooza. I found myself disappointed, though, as violence is only an occasional visitor to Good Guys Wear Black, and one who tends to fart noisily and drop biscuit crumbs everywhere. When Norris does engage in fisticuffs, he does so with more of his trademark bullet-time spin kicks and the occasional push-kick. Against incredible odds, Norris finds a way to weaponise his push-kicks, combining one with jumping into the windscreen of a moving car.
Norris fails to convince at anything in this film, except being condescending to women. The film climaxes with Norris taking the main villain by surprise in his limo. Is there a word for combining luxury vehicles with spin kicks? Unsurprisingly, the limo ends up in a large body of water, and only one man emerges.
For all its problems, Good Guys Wear Black is actually quite a pleasant little thriller. It moves at a good pace and some of the supporting performances are all right.
Most importantly, though, it features Chuck Norris in a selection of wonderful outfits. Every picture in this article is from this film. When a couple of cops turn up dead, the police look to karate fighter Matt Logan Norris for assistance in finding the killer and protecting themselves against future attacks.
Unable to resist helping, he soon finds himself investigating the deaths and demonstrating his spin kicks. A Force Of One is a film with a message: police incompetence is everywhere, so thank God for karate. With no signs of his fight scenes improving, Norris is indebted to the cinematographer and director in A Force Of One, who make watching the karate match scenes a pleasure in spite of him. He shows real improvement as an actor, and I was genuinely impressed. Chuck teaches the cops how to battle crime with a smile on their face and a heart full of karate vengeance.
The most likely candidate was the pretty young officer who recruited him. I have no idea what motivated her to seek him out. He might have a change of heart. Chuck Norris has an adopted son in this film, and against all odds he actually survives the first hour, if not much more. Chuck then hugs the female cop, with no erection implied, while awful piano music returns and the credits roll.
So, A Force Of One is poorly paced and uneven in tone the child prostitution scene feels massively out of place. Again, though, I found myself enjoying this film, thanks to its silly action, a strong performance from Norris and some good cinematography.
Early hyper-violence only increased my expectations of The Octagon. The Octagon falls short of that. His inner monologue echoes over certain scenes, and is unbearably annoying, if not occasionally hilarious.
Please see this excerpt for details. The female characters in The Octagon want to romance Chuck Norris and, for a variety of reasons, they all want him dead.
You bloody women, with your sexy vulnerability and deadly hidden agendas. Their attempts at seducing Chuck are, for the most part, ill-advised. One attempts to woo him over dinner, seductively licking salt from her finger and making small talk about vomiting.
No, clever lass. In spite of this, The Octagon does feature the first on-screen Chuck Norris sexing. Naturally, the scene cuts between Chuck Norris saucing up a sexy topless woman and footage of a shirtless Japanese man practising a complicated martial arts weapon routine. Mashed together, though, they invert and produce a potent anti-lust.
More failure follows. Chuck reasons that he could disarm her if he wanted, thus misunderstanding the entire concept of machine guns. This scene nicely illustrates the rotten core of The Octagon ; it sets itself up for violent carnage, then puts down the machine gun to chat. The final fight is a joyless affair, perhaps because there are only so many times you can watch Chuck Norris throw another goddamned spin kick. He engages in a sword fight with a super ninja that is as perfectly realised as the sword fights me and my brothers used to have on Christmas Eve with the cardboard tubes from wrapping paper rolls.
Eventually, Norris smashes him into a building. As with A Force Of One , as soon as the final fight is complete, the remorse, sad music and end credits kick in. This film has damaged me. The Octagon is a disappointing end to the Chuckathon. It does not come highly recommended. The Expedables 2 is in cinemas from today. The Octagon has just been released on Blu-ray. Skip to main content area. Join our mailing list Get the best of Den of Geek delivered right to your inbox!
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Written by Matt Edwards. Read more from Matt Edwards.